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Talking Points For Lot - News Letters, page 2

4. Suggested response for questions about how you could have unknowingly had sexual intercourse with each of your two daughters:

I think we were all in shock, having only just arrived at the cave, parched and exhausted and distraught to have lost the family’s true pillar, so to speak. Plus, after a few glasses of wine, I was deeply asleep, immersed in my dreams and well.... (Note: Emotional vulnerability is good. Utilize the sweetness of sorrow, but beware of regret as it can elicit pity instead of desire and sales. Despair is important as an inspiration for your music, but otherwise keep the conversation light. “The whole thing really rocked my world,” is a good summation phrase that will appeal to your younger fans and keep things from getting too dire or specific. To the extent possible, answer the question you want to be asked. Bring your story into the now: swarthy, smoldering, an insatiable love appetite, etc.

By the way, if you really find yourself in a jam on this one, pass the question to the other guest, Cinyras, King of Cyprus. What’s he thinking these days about his unintended copulations -- three consecutive nights! -- with his daughter, Myrrha? He usually blames the moon for not illuminating his bed chamber, though the new movie centers on a wife-servant conspiracy to overthrow. We believe that pretty much any response from him will take some heat off you.)

5. Questions about the frequency with which alcohol may have impaired your judgment:

(Note: We recommend brief contrition over your early struggles with inherited alcoholism -- deeply embarrassed, regret any hurts caused. Then segue into your personal transformation: brooding alone on sultry evenings in your Greenwich Village apartment with your guitar when the songs came tumbling/pouring/shining out of you. Maximize anecdotes. Minimize rehab and faith, both shopworn at this point.)

6. Questions about middle-aged virility while passed-out drunk:

I’ve heard of other men having trouble but... (Note: Have fun with this one!)

7. Questions about the preposterously low odds of two conceptions by two sisters on two successive nights, both producing male offspring:

Glad you asked. Actually, miracle births run in my family. My Uncle Abraham and Aunt Sarah were half-siblings and respectively, 100 and 90 years old when they had my cousin Isaac... (Note: The best response to the interviewer’s veiled accusation of both incest and female infanticide is a refusal to pander to lowlife sensationalism. Shift the topic to your music and other conversational territory where you are fluent and captivating -- fate, miracle, synchronicity, spiritual love, receptivity, etc.)

8. Some theologically minded readers of Genesis have viewed your unintended deflowering of your daughters as divine retribution for offering them to the horny mob:

Yes, well, divine election – if you’ve read your Bible, you’ll recall that I was rescued by angels -- often incites envy. (Note: A tough question, Lot, so try not to bristle! Give your shoulders an affable shrug to dismiss the notion as quibbling and pedantic. Most of your listeners understand that ancient societies were largely populated by heroes and primitives. They will enjoy a degree of time-travel, but are not interested in any suggestion that their contemporary standards might not apply to the historical events they credit or discredit as proof of their own comparative civility.)

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